every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
