What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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