Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
