Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
