It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
