I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
