She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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