he puts the penis in happiness.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
