By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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