Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
