i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i love accidental penises.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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