y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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