I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
