and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
