I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
