I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
