i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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