Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
