can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
