I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
