one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
