Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What happened to fro yo and sex?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
