it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
