I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
