i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
