I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
