Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
