The maid of honor just puked.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
splinters make it hard to masturbate
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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