the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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