Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
