I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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