My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
