I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
