New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
