I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
