I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My pussy is not your playground.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
