I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
