Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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