Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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