Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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