this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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