i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
