i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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