When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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