all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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