so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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