He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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