Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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