also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
