whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
