he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
