Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
