Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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