don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
