Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
