i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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