i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
soo... how was my night?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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