good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
